With the Powerball lottery jackpot up to $500, it’s time to start putting some serious thought into the things I do with my winnings. After I split the take with officemates (once they find me), family, the government and Crown Royal, I figure I would end up with around $100 million bucks to play with. Below, you’ll find all the things I’d like to do with that $100 million. Granted, some of these would cost $100 billion, but hey, anything over $10,000 is like $100 million to me anyway, so what’s the difference? Wanna help me spend my Powerball Lottery Winnings?
Powerball Lottery Winnings To-Do List
Buy a HUGE Flatbed Truck
I would use this truck to move Marlins Park out of Miami, up north to downtown Fort Lauderdale, where fans from Miami, Fort Lauderdale and West Palm Beach would have easy access to it. And then I would make parking free, sign Ozzie Guillen to manage again now that he would be
out of Little Havana, and give 10 fans the chance to take batting practice every day. I would also have our uniforms change every week to another vintage MLB uniform from random teams from the past.
Take the Maguire’s Softball Team to Maguire’s … in Ireland
The pub that sponsors our softball team, Maguire’s Hill 16, is awesome, and they have a sister pub in Ireland. Our team would go over, drink imported beers like Miller Lite, eat Shepherd’s Pie made by some real shepherds, play golf against some leprechauns … I don’t know. We’d do a bunch of stuff!
Buy Some of ESPN
Once I bought a fraction of ESPN (my Powerball Lottery winnings would not get me much), I would make the following changes:
- Hire a new director to go back and do a completely different job on the “30 for 30” film about the creation of Fantasy Baseball. The documentary called, “Silly Little Game” was just not good. It was like drafting Reid Brignac with the first overall pick (you don’t get similes like that anywhere, folks).
- Make all “standard” Fantasy Football leagues on ESPN – 12 leagues, rather than 10. Ten is dumb, and I think it’s just a way for ESPN to churn out more leagues to get more people. (That’s my unscientific take.)
- Move Bristol, Conn., to Fort Lauderdale. Film myself, Emack, Nando, Eisenberg, Berry and like 20 of my Twitter friends for a reality game show where the loser in a given Fantasy week has to perform some sort of embarrassing penalty on the beaches of Fort Lauderdale.
Tour with Adam Richman and “Man vs. Food”
This guy, along with Guy Fieri, hit all the great food spots in the country. I would bring a band of friends along with me, and we would eat our way through the 50 states. I would also hire someone to do my exercising for me.
Hire Erin Andrews & Savannah Guthrie
Buy an Entire Store of MAC Makeup
I would need to buy a MAC store for Sara for allowing me to have Erin and Savannah read me the news each day.
Open the “Café Americana” Restaurant
My restaurant would be part-sports bar, part-awesome, and I would buy the recipes for all the famous foods from around the country, like Pat’s Cheesesteaks in Philadelphia, wings from Frank and Teressa’s Anchor Bar in Buffalo, and sandwiches from Al’s No. 1 Italian Beef. I would have clam chowder from the best place in Boston, fish tacos from the best place in San Diego, crabcakes from the best place in Maryland, etc. I would also serve Adam Carolla’s Mangria on tap. And I would have random physical or trivia challenges held every hour for all the customers, and the winner gets a free meal.
Hire the Bosses of People I Don’t Like
I wouldn’t have these people FIRE the people I don’t like, I’m not that evil. No, instead, I would just have them change their hours to graveyard shifts and make them speak in funny accents at all times and have their desk moved into the middle of the company’s daycare center. See? I’m not evil.
Challenge Former MLB-ers to Softball
Since I own Marlins Park and moved it to Fort Lauderdale, I think I would go all Brewster’s Millions on everyone and have our Maguire’s softball team challenge a bunch of retired baseball players to a game. They would have to play left-handed, unless they were left-handed! And we would have a keg on second base. It would make fewer errors than BT there, anyway.
Build a Movie Theater Attached to My House
In this theater, it would be set up like half a sports bar and half a huge living room. We would serve 12 different craft beers and spicy popcorn and buffalo wings and tons of different candies. We would show a different movie every night, ranging from classic war movies to great old comedies to new first-run movies. We would also show a big college football game every Saturday and NFL games every Sunday.
Everyone would be welcome to come for free. Your entrance fee would just be that you have to root for my teams (I hope you like USF and the Bucs!!!) and/or root against all New York and Boston teams.
It’s good to be a multi-millionaire!
What would you do differently with YOUR Powerball Lottery winnings?