A Day at The Clevelander at Marlins Park (Gallery)

May 14

A Day at The Clevelander at Marlins Park (Gallery)

A couple Mondays ago, my company took everyone to a Marlins matinee game against the Diamondbacks. They got us all tickets to “The Clevelander at Marlins Park,” which is a separate bar/club in left field at the new stadium. I had already visited Marlins Park on Opening Day and wrote a Baseball Fan’s Guide to Marlins Park. I told you how great the new stadium is and how baseball fans will love going here. The Clevelander is a local hotspot on South Beach that represents the international beach club scene in Marlins Park. And the team thought adding a bar area with a pool in left field would be just the thing to get locals out to more ballgames. It’s like having a Pat O’Brien’s in the Superdome in New Orleans or something equally non-sportsy and touristy. It’s like putting a baseball stadium in the middle of a club on South Beach. It’s like putting tits on a bull. Can you tell I’m not a big fan of it?   There’s No Club Music in Baseball!!! Maybe I’m being too harsh about it; after all, I had a good time, ate some great food and drank quality beers. There were beautiful women, either dressed in bikinis or just body paint up top. What’s not to like? Oh yeah, there was a baseball game going on, and I had no idea. Between the loud club music chiming in from behind you, and the low field-level seats in left field with a horrible perspective, it was very difficult to keep attentive to the game. The music was so loud, Arizona’s left fielder that day, Gerardo Parra, was quietly dancing to it in between pitches. There was a freaking bathroom attendant in the men’s room. I asked him if he was the bat boy, but he didn’t get it. I understand what the team is trying to do: they’re trying to get non-baseball fans out to the game for a great time. That’s completely understandable and I’m sincerely hopeful that this does it. This reminds me of a place that would be a cool date with someone that’s a bigger club-hopping fan than baseball fan. Then, after the game, you head out...

Read More

10 Greatest Sports Rants of All-Time

May 09

10 Greatest Sports Rants of All-Time

Anyone that listens to Jim Rome on the radio knows that he gets about 25 percent of his drops from amazing and insane press conference blowups from athletes and coaches. For the most part, athletes aren’t used to speaking to the press, so they get a pass. But coaches are usually much older, and should definitely know better. Lucky for us, they don’t know better. In honor of the Allen Iverson rant’s 10-year anniversary, the fellas over at 5thPeriodLunch.com posted two handfuls of press conference insanity! via 10 Greatest Sports Rants of...

Read More

Top 5 SNL Athletes Skits

May 07

Top 5 SNL Athletes Skits

When athletes host Saturday Night Live, they generally get great ratings. This happens for a couple reasons: 1. Fans love athletes and they love when they make the transition to sketch comedy well. 2. Athletes are generally not good at anything but being athletic, so when they bomb, it’s a sight to see. Strangely, it’s much more common to come across an actor/actress with some athletic ability than it is to see an athlete prove to be funny. Lorne Michaels has noted in the past that he thinks the athletes they choose to host SNL usually do better than actors because athletes are used to playing live and not knowing what the outcome might be. Whereas an actor is used to getting several takes and their not used to a live audience. Either way, Eli Manning did a great job on Saturday Night Live this past weekend, with a handful of solid skits. So I thought I’d rank the top five SNL Athletes skits and see if you’ll agree. The athletes that didn’t make the cut? LeBron James, Andy Roddick, Jeff Gordon, Lance Armstrong and Michael Phelps. Some of them were good, and had decent skits, but none of them made my cut. I would like to point out two scenes from when Derek Jeter hosted a decade back. First, there’s Derek Jeter’s Taco Hole, which was a commercial pardoy, sung to the tune of “Kokomo.” “That’s where I wanna go – Derek Jeter’s Taco Hole.” Best Derek Jeter line: “Ladies, if you bring your own tortillas, there’s no cover charge.” In that same episode, Jeter also dressed in drag (always good for a laugh with athletes), and starred as Alfonso Soriano’s wife in the stands at Yankee Stadium with the  “Yankee Wives.” Jeter even said, “Ooooh, no, Jeter does not do it for me. He looks like if The Rock had sex with a Muppet.” I pulled those two out because those were the only real funny parts in those entire skits. Charles Barkley’s effort earlier this season was not horrible, but his best part was when he portrayed Shaquille O’Neal on “The NBA on TNT” skit, with Keenan Thompson as Chuck. Thompson (as Barkley): “Man, Shaq, you...

Read More

Time to Recognize Influence of Beastie Boys, MCA

May 05

Time to Recognize Influence of Beastie Boys, MCA

In 1986, my freshman year in high school, a friend let me borrow a copied cassette tape. When I got home and threw it in my tape player, I was introduced to the Beastie Boys, “Licensed to Ill.” A middle class white kid from the suburbs had a hip hop group to grab hold of. The Beastie Boys brought rock and rap together like no group had ever done before. The news of the death of Adam Yauch ( Beastie Boys MCA ) from cancer on Friday hits my generation pretty hard. While his death wasn’t as shocking as John Lennon’s murder or Kurt Cobain’s suicide, it was still jarring for a generation whose members have not yet starting dying at a regular rate. I’m doing my best to not overstate the importance of the Beastie Boys on teens in the late ‘80s, but it’s proving difficult. LL Cool J said that he owes his career to the Beastie Boys for putting his music in producer Rick Rubin’s hands. Chuck D credits Public Enemy’s success to the Beastie Boys allowing them to open for them in 1987. Their influence on dozens of musical groups throughout the years is obvious. From Rage Against the Machine to Limp Bizkit to Linkin Park to Sublime, a genre has taken a loss today. Music has changed in recent years, and the younger generation doesn’t connect to bands/groups/singers like we once did. It’s not a condemnation, just a fact. My cousin Aaron was talking with his 18-year-old step-son, Josh, about how the news about the Beastie Boys’ MCA affected him. Josh remarked that there’s not really any groups like that these days – or at least none that would affect him this way in 20 years. It’s true — and it’s sad.   If Parents Hate It, It Must Be Good My aunt used to hate that we listened to the Beastie Boys – and my other uncle even banned it from his house. I can’t say that I blame them, looking back on it, considering their lyrics were rough and the innuendo was even rougher. But for teenagers, it’s all about anti-establishment. It’s understandable why parents hated the Beastie Boys, especially if you...

Read More

Our Kentucky Derby Trip

May 02

Our Kentucky Derby Trip

The following is a blog I wrote five years ago, back in 2007, as part of a series about a trip I took with some friends to see the Kentucky Derby. While you might not know the characters, and you might feel like you are stepping into the middle of a story, just realize that it’s a good story, with good characters. This Kentucky Derby trip was a great experience.   After looking into buying some sombreros (it was Cinco de Mayo), then seeing every guy and his uncle wearing one on the news at Churchill Downs, we chose not to. We went down for our free continental breakfast and found out that orange juice in other states does not taste like our Florida orange juice. It tastes like Rosie O’Donnell sweat. The girls came out looking fantastic in their dresses and hats. I “accidentally” saw up Kate’s dress to find that she was also wearing cargo shorts underneath. I’m not sure, but I think she thought there were caves to explore in the Churchill Downs infield and she wanted to be ready. We set off for Louisville to meet up with our Boston contingent. Evidently, the night before these five ladies went to a DJ AM party, hung out in the VIP next to Nick Lachey and some MTV chick. They were out until 4am or something. Once the Bostonians came down and got in their car, we could kinda tell they were feeling a little rough. They had to pour Kerri into her seat. That was the first indication these girls were going to be hurting all day. They all had the Jackie Onassis-look going on: big hat, black dress, dark sunglasses, looking like they were going to a funeral. Kadoche followed the hungover ladies for about two exits, then he suddenly started cursing their womanly ways and pulled off on the fairgrounds exit. Seconds later, he realized he made the wrong turn. But I was riding shotgun, which meant I thought he was driving very well no matter what. We parked at some forklift lot and started drinking heavily. We were told there’s no chance we’re getting booze into the track, no matter what trick we...

Read More

Get Warm Beer Cold Quickly

Apr 24

Get Warm Beer Cold Quickly

On the show, “Mythbusters,” the strange nerds do stuff to try to prove, or disprove, common myths. Stuff like, can a bunch of balloons bought at a carnival really carry off a small child? (It took 3,500 balloons to carry off a 6-year-old. So the myth was basically disproved – and that child is VERY upset right now.) One myth that I found very intriguing was how people in the military sometimes try to cool off a six-pack of beer by burying it in sand, pouring gasoline on top of the sand, then lighting it. The theory being that the gas would remove all heat from the sand, and the beer would suddenly cool. What happened? The beer ended up a few degrees HOTTER and the can had gasoline and sand all over it. Myth: Busted. However, the added fuel made for a great cocktail! So then they tried to figure out the best way to get warm beer cold. The best drinking temperature for beer was set at 37 degrees F. So they tried a few different things, but they came up with one particular plan that I’ll be using next time I’m in need of emergency beer. Put ice AND water into a cooler, then pour A LOT of salt (didn’t say how much, but it looked like about a pound) into the ice-water. Mix it around, and then drop your six-pack in. Basically, the water has a lower freezing temperature because of the added salt (just like when you add salt to boiling water, it has a higher boiling point). So the water gets much colder, fully engulfing the six-pack, unlike ice which has corners and edges. So how fast can you cool a six-pack this way? It took just FIVE MINUTES to cool off a six-pack of beer down to 37 degrees. That’s pretty awesome! It’s like a reverse-microwave oven! And now you know how to get warm beer cold quickly! Just plan on doing shots during those thirsty five minutes. On a related note — here are 12 Great Craft Beers for 12 Great Days! Now you know how to get them cold quickly!...

Read More

Comparing Central Florida Against South Florida

Apr 16

Comparing Central Florida Against South Florida

I’ve lived in South Florida now for about a decade, after two decades of living in Central Florida. The differences between the two areas are about as great as New York City and upstate New York. Not to say one is better than the other; it’s just that they’re different, despite their close proximity to each other. So I thought I’d do a side-by-side comparison of the two regions would help settle the argument. Maybe one area has more things you like or hate? Maybe both areas make you want to move to Denver? Either way, this is my take on comparing Central Florida against South Florida. I consider everything south of Gainesville and north of West Palm Beach as Central Florida. If you are in Palm Beach County and you drive north – you are in effect traveling into the south. And let’s face it, North Florida is just South Alabama and Georgia. Anyone that has gone to a gas station off of I-10 or north I-75 can attest to the distant sounds of banjos. (Then again, I might have to move to North Florida after this blog.)   Comparing Central Florida against South Florida   Political Leanings Central Florida: Conservative Republicans South Florida: Liberal Democrats Try to find a diner, bar or doctor’s office in Polk County that doesn’t have FOX News on. How are they going to know the wrong news if they don’t have it on? … The wild card here is Orlando, which employs a large contingent of entertainers, many of which are gay and liberal-minded. I’ve often wondered if homosexuals sit around and say stuff like, “Being heterosexual is soooo gay.” Probably not. But the problems liberals have in Central Florida with hardcore conservatives (especially the ones that can’t spell ‘conservative’) are much worse than the problems that South Florida conservatives get from hardcore liberals. EDGE: SOUTH FLORIDA   Pro Sports Fans Central Florida: Bucs, Lightning, Magic, Rays South Florida: Dolphins, Heat, Marlins, Panthers Both regions are maligned by the sports community for not supporting their teams at the box office. What people don’t realize is that since most of the people in Florida are transplants, they keep their old allegiances and brainwash...

Read More
Page 10 of 11« First...7891011
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers: