While NFL blackout rules can certainly ruin a football fan’s afternoon at home, it’s still tough to argue that a day in the hot sun with bad seats is better than staying on the couch, with your beer-fetching dog (not code for your wife, btw). So I decided to make a list of all the reasons why watching NFL games at home is much better than going to the stadium and spending a ton of money on tickets, parking and food.
I’m trying to stay away from the “too obvious” items, like television or remote control, but here is my list of reasons why watching NFL games at home is WAAAY better than at the stadium:
1. NFL Sunday Ticket and NFL Red Zone Channel
If you have DirecTV and you don’t have the NFL Sunday Ticket, then you likely work all day on Sundays, or you love foreplay but hate sex. Our grandfathers would kill to have had the NFL Sunday Ticket and the NFL Red Zone Channel! Granted, they were busy fighting Nazis and hippies (I’m not a strong historian.)
2. DVR and Instant Replay
Wife won’t stop yapping about some kitchen fire or a missing daughter? Pause the live TV, nod and feign interest, then return to the game without missing a snap.
3. The Yellow First-Down Line Graphic
Ever get a seat in the corner of the end zone? And on every play, your diagonal view makes you think your team went eight yards past the first-down marker, only to find out they were three yards short? That never happens at home.
4. The Ottoman
Anyone over six-feet tall knows that stadium seats are built for the Captain Dans of the world. So being able to stretch your legs horizontally, and use your belly button for a salsa bowl truly makes the ottoman a gift from god. And what an empire!
5. Handpicking the Jackasses That Sit Next to You
6. Crappy Stadium Food
Some stadiums have stepped up in this category, but at Dolphin Stadium (Joe Robbie, whatever), you have a choice between chicken tenders and horrible hot dogs. On a brisk fall afternoon, there’s nothing like multiple bowls of chili and Fritos Scoops, while watching the 1pm games – then the impending multiple visits to the bathroom for the 4pm games.
7. Private Bathroom
No standing in line. No standing in someone else’s urine. No absence of reading material. No fights. No doors with broken latches. No one “judging” you for taking your shirt off before you go.
8. High-Definition TV
Can you imagine how much better “The Immaculate Reception” would have been if it were broadcast in HD? Or when Lawrence Taylor broke Joe Theisman’s leg!?!
9. Fantasy Football
Old timers say that this has ruined football. But Fantasy Football makes a 42-10 blowout interesting. And when you’re at home, you are always updated and able to watch your running back get pulled at the goal line for a TD vulture. YAY!
10. Halftime Makeouts!
Sure, it might be infrequent, but the odds of making out with your lady friend at home are MUCH greater than at the stadium.
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