Mind Of The Yeti Fantasy Stylee: Hotties, Julios and Hot Wings

[Editor’s Note: Once a week, we’re going to be exposed to the inner workings of the Mind of a Yeti. Normally, his blog is found at FifthPeriodLunch.com, but he has such a love for Fantasy Football, he agreed to post some of his ramblings on this site. He’s a good guy … but I worry about him. Yetis generally aren’t known for their charm, no matter what “Harry and the Hendersons” taught you, but Yeti Vedder kinda grows on you. Like a funny fungus. Enjoy! — DG]

*If a girl has bad breath she is not worth talking to. Literally!

*As a Patriots fan I hate the New York Giants with every bone in my body, but as a Fantasy owner I will gladly draft Eli Manning, Victor Cruz, and Hakeem Nicks. Nicks and Manning because they are great and Cruz because he dances when he scores. That allows me to dance when he scores and I love me some sweet salsa moves in another owner’s face!

*Drafting Julio Jones will not only be great for you team, but you can also use a stylish picture of Julio Iglesias as your team avatar and name your team “To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before.”

*I’m not usually a fan of drafting a guy that had a lacerated spleen going into the season. I’m no doctor, but I would avoid Jason Witten.  Maybe it was the Pickle Juice.

*Rumor has it that Antonio Gates is completely healthy and has looked like a stud in camp. This guy has brought Fantasy owners titles in the past. I’m not so sure he still has that in him, but I’ve always been a fan of Antonio.

*Why doesn’t John Oates do commericals for Just For Men? His moustache probably has so many stories that it could have its own mini-series. The Tales of Oates’ Stash!

*Terrell Owens can get picked up by a team, but Plaxico Burress can’t sniff the field? Something must be wrong with Plaxico’s legs.

*I love the Mike Wallace offense. Run as fast as you can downfield and I’ll throw the ball as far as I can and you’ll catch it 70 yards for a TD because you are stupid fast. At that point owners of Mike Wallace can relax for the day. Owners of Mike Wallace are happy he’s no longer holding out. They are also happy they can use Braveheart themes as a team name.

*I try to avoid WR’s that have beat up their mom. Dez Bryant will not be on my squad this season. I doubt he’ll be winning any “Son of the Year” awards either.

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