[Editor’s Note: Once a week, we’re going to be exposed to the inner workings of the Mind of a Yeti. Normally, his blog is found at FifthPeriodLunch.com, but he has such a love for Fantasy Football, he agreed to post some of his ramblings on this site. He’s a good guy … but I worry about him. Yetis generally aren’t known for their charm, no matter what “Harry and the Hendersons” taught you, but Yeti Vedder kinda grows on you. Like a funny fungus. Enjoy! — DG]
*If a girl has bad breath she is not worth talking to. Literally!
*As a Patriots fan I hate the New York Giants with every bone in my body, but as a Fantasy owner I will gladly draft Eli Manning, Victor Cruz, and Hakeem Nicks. Nicks and Manning because they are great and Cruz because he dances when he scores. That allows me to dance when he scores and I love me some sweet salsa moves in another owner’s face!
*Drafting Julio Jones will not only be great for you team, but you can also use a stylish picture of Julio Iglesias as your team avatar and name your team “To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before.”
*I’m not usually a fan of drafting a guy that had a lacerated spleen going into the season. I’m no doctor, but I would avoid Jason Witten. Maybe it was the Pickle Juice.
*Rumor has it that Antonio Gates is completely healthy and has looked like a stud in camp. This guy has brought Fantasy owners titles in the past. I’m not so sure he still has that in him, but I’ve always been a fan of Antonio.
*Why doesn’t John Oates do commericals for Just For Men? His moustache probably has so many stories that it could have its own mini-series. The Tales of Oates’ Stash!
*Terrell Owens can get picked up by a team, but Plaxico Burress can’t sniff the field? Something must be wrong with Plaxico’s legs.
*I love the Mike Wallace offense. Run as fast as you can downfield and I’ll throw the ball as far as I can and you’ll catch it 70 yards for a TD because you are stupid fast. At that point owners of Mike Wallace can relax for the day. Owners of Mike Wallace are happy he’s no longer holding out. They are also happy they can use Braveheart themes as a team name.
*I try to avoid WR’s that have beat up their mom. Dez Bryant will not be on my squad this season. I doubt he’ll be winning any “Son of the Year” awards either.
*I like Olivia Munn because she is hot. I like her even more because she sends dirty text messages!
*I say draft Reggie Bush only because there are so many perverted team names you can have using the word bush.
*Here is my idea about when it is okay to draft a defense. This draft has to be at a bar of course. Order 15 of the spiciest wings you can and once you have ate all 15 wings it is okay to draft a defense.
*Do you draft Ryan Tannenhill in the chances that his wife may see your team and want to hang out with you?
*Remember when Matt Cassel never started at USC, went undrafted, and only started because Tom Brady’s knee fell off during a game?!? I do and I don’t want that guy as my starting QB ever! Do you think they won games in New England the year he started because he was a good QB or because Bill Belichick is a genius? I’m going with Bill Belichick for 500 Alex!
*Where have you gone Jeff George, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.
If you have any questions, comments, or just ideas Yeti needs to share please feel free to email him at email@example.com and follow him on twitter @yetivedder.